What is beauty?

Beauty: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound,, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of beautiful? A friend that is just gorgeous or maybe your children. Those are beautiful, but I wanted to share a story of beauty. It isn't the conventional beauty, when you first look you may even want to avert your eyes just because it is painful to see. Look beyond the scars.

The three words all little girls (and grown women too) want to hear .... "You are beautiful." How many of you have longed for those words when you are having a bad day and just aren't feeling very pretty? No matter where you go we are all the same, we crave affirmation. So is the story of Alice, a young girl from Uganda. Alice was very badly burned in a house fire leaving her with scars to her head, face and neck. With the help of a Ugandan veterinarian she was able to come to the ship. Alice has been with us from the very beginning. First as she waited for our hospitality center to open and now after her first of many surgeries. Alice has always been a little different from the other girls on the ward, maybe it is because she has no hair, or maybe it's because she doesn't speak French, but most shifts she sits on her bed quietly coloring with her Papa. But yesterday something else happened. When I came onto the ward yesterday she was happier and generally just more playful. She was walking around the ward with a big pink bow on her head bandage. One of my friends and co-workers told me why the change. I don't want to steal Natalie's story because there is power and emotion in her telling (I'll share a link when she tells it). But here is the most important part, after her dressing change Natalie handed her a mirror and she spotted the pink bow Natalie had secretly place on her head. She immediately giggled and couldn't stop smiling, she walked around the ward showing it off and receiving the affirmation of  "Beautiful" or "Jolie" in French. When I arrived hours later she was still beaming. She had been an outcast for so long but that one pink bow made all the difference. This right here is why I love this job.  It gives a whole new meaning to beauty out of ashes!

What is Your Name?

The question I am asked at least once a week, "What is your name?" The answer is Kari (pronounced like carry). With a ward full of children the response back is never the same. One such conversation started weeks ago with a teenage girl name Glore. She is one of our plastic patients being treated for a burn contracture. Because of the site of her contractures she has to wear an airplane splint. Imagine you are holding your arms out pretending your an airplane. Yep, that's what it looks like. Glore is 100% teenager complete with attitude and eye rolls. Needless to say I have to remind her at least once a shift to put her splint on. Glore and her gang of little minions (complete with a little boy named Mignon) definitely made our evening shifts interesting. There was a night where we weren't sure we wouldn't leave the ward for fear of a mutiny. They were going to take over! She is the reason for my insanity some nights but I love her so much. Why? Beneath all that drama there is a girl who loves so deeply and wants to learn so much. She sits beside me sometimes and just asks how to say things is English. Hair, earring and glasses are her favorite words to try to recite. In the process she is teaching me a small amount of French. I now know how to say "lay down" in French, which has come in very handy with the rambunctious little ones. She has also taught all of the other children how to pronounce my name ... I am now officially Kiwi. I wanted to share some photos of the people who call me Kiwi.


Jennica with two of our favorite girls!

Beautiful Glore with one of our nurses Betsy

As you can see lots of fun and energy!



Meet Graci ... she is adorable and has the most infectious laugh! She loves to give kisses and hold your face.

Don't let those dimples fool you, he is adorable and he knows it. He gets away with alot because of it!

Trusting is uncomfortable

God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are afraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. 

I am currently reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I've read it a couple times before but I have been in a different place in my life each time. I just read the quote above this morning and it really resonated with me. That is exactly where I am right now, trusting and waiting for Him to come through. It isn't comfortable! It's quite scary not knowing what not only the future but next month will hold. There are several promises I am trusting God with, one being providing funds for this trip. Without his provision I could not be here. I know some of you think that I am such an amazing woman, living my life devoted to helping others. One of my friends put is best, she said Actually I am a horrible person who is loved and forgiven by an amazing God. I have certainly done things I am not at all proud of, but you know what God loves me just the same. He also loves you.

When you pray, your prayers are heard by the same God who 

answered Moses' prayer for water in the desert, the God who gave Abraham 

and his barren wife a son, and the God who made the slave Joseph 

second in power only to Pharoah.

He wants to give you big things. I just wanted to share my heart and challenge you to trust God for the big things. It's not comfortable but He has always come through. I hope this was as much an encouragement for you as it was for me. 

The right attitude

So here's the dealio ... I've been assigned to work on the General surgery ward. It wasn't my first pick, just being honest. One of my first thoughts involved, hmmmm .... Let's just say ice. Ice packs for male hernia patients. You ship alumni know what I'm talking about. Not my favorite part of general surgery. I miss the little cleft lip babies and the huge transformation that happens when a tumor is removed. I absolutely love seeing someone feel beautiful and accepted for the first time.

I kept sulking and pouting about it but then yesterday I realized something. This whole time I have been thinking about what I get out of it and not how I can serve others. Not very Christ-like huh? Yeah, I felt pretty guilty. One of my friends mentioned that every surgery here is transformational. It's so hard to think about the transformation when you don't see the facial tumors gone or bent legs straightened. It so true though, for those men and young boys the hernias are hindering their day to day lives. Maybe they are unable to work anymore or play football with their friends. It must be hard.

So as I work in the General surgery ward I want to keep a good attitude that I would make my Heavenly Father proud. I will show these patients the love and acceptance they deserve and maybe, just maybe I will have a transformation as well.

Yes or No

We, as the Mercy Ships crew, had our Congo field service patient selection yesterday. This is a time where we choose the patients that we receive surgeries. We are told that approximately seven thousand people came to the patient selection, five thousand of those seeking surgical care. I was a part of the pre-screening team, which means we were the first people the prospective patient came to as they walked through the gate. We made the initial decision of "yes" or "no" to thin out the crowd seeing the surgeons. Though we will be able to help a lot of people, we cannot help them all. 

I'm not really sure what to name this post or even how to explain what I'm trying to say here. Now that I have experienced my first patient selection, there are so many conflicting emotions I am processing. Exuberant joy for the patients that we will be able to provide hope and healing for versus sadness and a prayerful burden for the patients we turned away. One of my fellow crew mates and friends loves to use a certain system to learn about another's day. It involves highs (the good) and lows (the bad). I feel like this is the easiest way to communicate my day. Let's start with the lows so we end on a happy note!

Low

By the end of the day we had filled up most of our surgery spots. We only have a set of number  of available patient spots that surgeons can perform operations on. With those spots filled we had the very hard task of telling patients "No, we cannot help you." Some were quite understanding and surprisingly peaceful about it, but others you could see the shock on their faces. To be offered hope and then find out they were too late. I can only imagine the hurt and confusion they felt and continue to feel now.

There were a large number of people who came that we just don't do that particular surgery or provide that medical need. Examples would be cerebral palsy, shoulder dystocia, arthritis and abdominal pain.

High

Having someone walk up to me and automatically knowing just by seeing them that they get one of the special laminated cards that allows them one step closer to their healing. For example a healthy cleft lip child or a child with bowed legs.

Seeing crew that do not normally work in the hospital rise to the occasion to help people by going the extra mile. The event that touched my heart the most was this ... There was a momma who brought her child to us. I estimate she was preteen perhaps. I knew the moment I looked at her what was going on. Once you've been a nurse for a while, you can just look into someone's eyes and know that something isn't quite right. I saw her deep brown eyes and the blank stare, the contracted and rigid limbs. I was told she had grown weaker and weaker and had never walked or talked. Her daughter has severe cerebral palsy. I think she knew that there was nothing we could do but as a mother held that hope deep down inside that maybe, just maybe we could help. I told her as a surgical hospital we could not help. I offered to have someone prayer for her and her daughter. She gracefully accepted this, gathered her daughter up and walked away. Along the way I saw something that touched my heart. Along the way one of my fellow crew mates, a dentist took her from her mother's arms and carried the daughter. A while later another one, a finance worker took over and carried her to the prayer station. Just for those  ten minutes she was not under the weight of her daughter. I'm sure that from the time her daughter was a tiny baby she has carried her on her back in traditional African fashion. Every year she would grow bigger but her mother just carried her along. Caring and loving her every step of the way. But for that ten minutes she could walk freely and have a small, small rest. 

These are just a few if the things I witnessed or felt in the thirteen hours I stood behind that gate speaking with potential patients. I am so excited for all the "yes" patients. I'm sure that I will have many stories our their time with us and the amazing people that they are. Through feeling the pain and sadness in every "no" it reminded me to continually pray and believe that God can work miracles in their lives. He is the great healer and who am I to limit his power? Will you pray with me that they will come to know his love and be healed by it. 

If you would like to see some my awesome friend's perspective of the day follow the links below. They really touched my heart. Believe me you need to read their blogs, they are amazing!

Ali - http://alirae.net/blog/archives/731-today-and-tomorrow-and-forever.html

Deb - http://debsheartinafrica.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-one.html?spref=fb

Selection Day

Selection day ... The day we either make people's hope and dreams come true or give them sad news. There's no way to tell how many people will come, but we are expecting hundreds. We have already heard that they are lining up in preparation to be seen. As this day quickly approaches it has got me thinking ... How can I best serve these people? I've been assigned the task of screening the patients. I will be one of the first people they come in contact with. Essentially I am the first yes or no. "Yes you can see the surgeon for his opinion" or "Sorry, but we cannot help you." I'm a little wary of the day. My biggest hope is that even in the sad times, when I can't give them the opportunity to have surgical healing, I can at least look them in the eyes and smile. Maybe share a little of my joy with them and lead them to a group of designated people who can ask God, the ultimate healer to step into their lives. I'm asking that all of you that read this blog just stop right now and just say a little prayer for my team and the African people we come in contact with. I've seen God work miracles on the ship before. I am believing that he can do it again! Thanks and I will update you on the day soon!

Gotta be flexible

Some of you may have been wondering what I have been up to since we arrived in Pointe Noir, Congo. Since the hospital does not open for another week and half we have had multiple small tasks or jobs. As a ward nurse on the Africa Mercy you have to be flexible. I have a new respect for so many of the different jobs on the ship now!

• For two weeks I worked in the galley, this included chopping vegetables, baking cookies and washing alot of dishes. Thank you so much galley team for feeding nearly 400 crew members! It is most definitely not an easy job.
• I scrubbed the floor, ceiling, walls and almost all of the equipment in the hospital. Thank you housekeeping for keeping us clean!
• I cleaned deck railings on the outside of the ship. Thanks deck crew for keeping up in tip-top shape!
• I made cards for the nurses. Just a little encouragement or a farewell. (I actually really enjoyed this!)

Just a small, small update on my current day to day life. A week from today we will have a patient selection day. On this day there is the potential of thousands of people coming to see us seeking surgery. Please keep the crew and all of the potential patients in your prayers. Also pray that the day goes smoothly for us. Merci boku!!